Time to surprise my girlfriend with a romantic night by the fire. And a romantic fire filled with human skull fireplace logs. Who knew bone made such fine kindling?

Oh yeah.

Funeral directors.

I kid, I kid. These are not real human skull logs; in fact, they’re not even real logs. They’re reinforced steel coated with lava granules and fireproof ceramic (the same material NASA tests rocket engines on) and they’re intended for use in natural gas or liquid propane fireplaces and outdoor fire pits. Obviously a must-have gift for every Halloween party and April Fool’s Day prank, the skulls are sold individually, or in sets of 3 and 5. They measure 8″ to 9″ long x 6-1/2″ to 7-1/2″ wide. Their weight is listed as “heavy.”

Available at amzn.com for $69.95